


Believe

by romanticalgirl



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 14:43:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 8/28/99</p>
    </blockquote>





	Believe

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 8/28/99

When we were kids, Willow used to read fairy tales all the time. Jesse and I would just sit there, mesmerized by the images she would bring to mind. She didn't just tell the story as written, she would embellish the descriptions. We'd sit in the woods and be frightened of monsters and witches and goblins until Willow would get to the part where the hero would vanquish all evil.

Then we'd walk home, perfectly content. We knew everything was right with the world and there was nothing to be afraid of. 

Boy, were we wrong or what? 

I'm sitting in a cemetery all alone. It's pretty pathetic - my reason for being here. I have nowhere else to be. 

Here I am, a senior in high school, sitting in a graveyard on a Friday night, passing the time waiting for a demon or two. A month ago, I was dating the most popular girl in school. Today - hopin' for a zombie. God, I need a life. 

"Xander? What are you doing here?" 

I look up at Buffy, actually surprised to see her here. "I thought you were at Deerlawn?" 

"Nope. The vamps are usually newer than the graves there. I was just finishing up my patrol when I saw you. Want an escort home?" 

I can tell she feels sorry for me, although I think she believes I'm getting what I deserved. Not just for the illicit smoochies, but for the fact that I couldn't see the beautiful girl growing up right in front of me. I couldn't see the love shining out of Willow's eyes until it was aimed in someone else's direction. 

"Sure." I slide off the tombstone and fall into step beside her. "Any slaying tonight?" 

"Nope. Quiet as quiet can be." 

There's something like sadness in her voice. "And that's a bad thing?" 

"Just makes me wonder what's around the corner. Peace never lasts." She sighs, so I take her hand. 

"You know, Buffy, it's okay to just enjoy it while it does." She looks at me; surprised I'm not making a smart-ass comment. "Trouble comes often enough around here without us actively seeking it out." 

She stops and tilts her head slightly, looking at me. The moonlight catches the gold in her hair and makes it shine like candlelight. My breath is caught somewhere in my throat, and I'm having way too much trouble trying to think. "Xander?" 

"Yeah?" Was that me? That hideous squeaking sound? 

"Can I kiss you?" 

She's a goddess, bathed in the moonlight like she is. So beautiful, so unreal, so untouchable - despite the fact that she's giving me permission. Not that long ago, I would have jumped (literally) at the opportunity to take her into my arms and kiss her. To kiss the pain out of her eyes and heart. To take away some of the burden that sits on her shoulders, growing heavier every day. 

But now, I can't. My heart won't let me. Because as much as I thought I was in love with the Slayer, I know now I'm not. Never was. All along it's been her. I was just too blind to see it. 

"No." 

When was the last time she was refused a kiss? Her face shuts down and I can tell that I've hurt her. I never want to hurt her. "I see." 

"Buffy, if you had asked me months ago, I would have said yes in a heartbeat. Hell, I probably wouldn't have spoken, just glued my lips to yours. I wanted you for a long time." 

"And you don't now?" Her voice is hard. I'm not saying this right at all. 

"I love Willow, Buffy. And even though she's with Oz, even in love with Oz, I have to do what I think is best for her. And if I kiss you now, I can't ever take it back. And someday I'll have to tell her and it's going to hurt her." I sigh as I see her shoulders relax. "And I think I've already hurt her enough." 

"You really love her?" She turns back to me and I can see the tears glistening in her blue eyes. But they aren't tears of sorrow or pain. There's a smile in her eyes, behind the watery façade. "Truly?" 

"Yeah." I laugh at myself, shuffling my feet in embarrassment. "But I love you too, as Buffy, my bestest bud." 

"If I've been elevated to bestest bud status, what does that make her?" She takes my hand again and we resume walking. 

"My heart." 

Her whisper is loud in the silent night, "Oh." She understands. She knows what it's like. She's been there and done that. 

"Did you read any fairy tales when you were a kid, Buffy?" 

"Sometimes." 

"The real ones or the Disneyfied ones?" 

"Disney, all the way." 

"Willow used to read us the Grimm ones. Only she would change the endings to fit the way Jesse and I wanted them. When I was ten, I was in her room and I found the book she used to read out of. And I read one of them." 

"Go on." 

"Will found me there, twenty minutes later, crying. When she asked me why, I said because it didn't really have a happy ending." 

We reach my front door and stop. "What did she say?" 

I do my best Willow impersonation. "Xander, for you, I'll always make a happy ending." 

"Do you still believe that?" Her eyes sought mine and I could see she was afraid of the answer. But I also knew that I couldn't lie to her. 

"No. I don't believe in happy endings anymore." I smile at my friend, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. "But I believe in you. And in Willow. And that's enough." 

* * *


End file.
